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Posted by martharita on --.--
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a prayer of my current situation

Dear God,

I am so angry!!!
You know why!
You know I am so pissed off by the attitude of the so-called Senior Manager which did not ever contribute anything at all. She asked me to do a lot of thing which did not really pay attention to the realistic time schedule at all. She doesnt care if the time is enough, or even though she knows there is not enough time, however, she still push me to do the things and afterall, she would take all credits.

I am angry with what she does because she could not help me but harm me! I am afraid that I might get hurt because of her! You know that, last week, I have been tripped off by her already! She asked me to do things, which she doesnt know the details and therefore did not really do good on time management, and eventually I cannot finish it on time. I take all the blame. I think it is unfair and her existence has already doing harm to me. Dear God, what am I supposed to do?

I know, while I am writing the things, a thought of " You are manager of your own", "Manage your time, manage your project, this is your project". Wow! It is really empowering it! I gain a new perspective already even though I simply writing these few sentence. I have a sense that I do not even have to pay attention to her when I think in this way. She knows her position and she knows she has nothing to do at all and therefore it is her only way for showing off. Afterall, I mind my own business, deliver good stuff, no one would take the blame, and if everyone gets credits, then everyone happy, sound good...and silly? am I?

Thanks God. Please get me to go through this. I know I am an angry person and easily irritated, losing control. Oh dear Lord, you know that very well, I do not want to lose control and neither suppress my feelings!!!! How can I do that??? Please help me to go through this, finish the job you give me safely.

Amen.

In Jesus' name
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Posted by martharita on 09.2011   1 comments   0 trackback
Category :worklife

website soft launch

Apart from expressing my disappointment and anger, I think I should share good news as well.

http://www.bm.ust.hk/alumni/index.html

I can't believe myself that I have built this website on my own, with help from my young colleague. This is my ever first baby since I started working at here. I supposed to be thrilled with excitements and sense of satisfaction. Unfortunately, the baby was a bit late to born, and I was blamed for the late delivery. Now the site has launched, I am angry with the credits taken by the senior manager who DID NOT do anything at all, in fact, she has no supervision and managed about the website at all. The bitterness grow inside me. O, please take it away, please.
Posted by martharita on 06.2011   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :worklife

死貓

今日食左隻死貓。

而家個project係同總經理夾,一齊管理website. 佢係典型經理,即係樣樣都點令做。

唔好彩,我個project係跟佢,即係做左佢條lang,佢最叻就係黎點我做野,佢間唔中會黎update進度,但可惜,有幾多野係真正去到老細度呢﹖

今日終於出事啦。

話說阿姐好想個website快d面世,我一直都好努力咁做,因為好想快d可以有d表現。進度一直都算係我掌握之下。但係今日經理無啦啦出個email要出enews,嚇到總經理抽起條巾喪問進度。因為中文版的確未準備好,我好難確實咁話佢知可以今日出。

最後,雖然我已經做好曬中文版面,但係又因為臨時上server時因為script既問題,而令丁我竟然要重新做過所有中文版!老細講左句,唔好開空頭支票,令我好hurt。即係話佢唔會再信我。我好唔開心,明明已經畀心機努力做,點解都會變成咁﹖

成件事,總經理完全幫唔到手,佢不但冇幫我控製工作上既安排,佢只係問我進度。而另一個經理對我既工作更加係不聞不問,但突然就會自己按佢本子辦事,唔會夾人。

今次件事,係咪我真係對自己既工作太樂觀﹖講真,如果唔係script問題,成件事就會順利進行。但係去到script呢樣野,我本身係唔知的,呢d野可能係programmer先知道。但係呢度既website technical support係廢既,即係乜都要自己做。咁,我又點會知呢﹖

我知道而家阿姐已經唔再信我了。

佢連望我都唔想。笑容亦少左。 :(
估唔到兩個星期就已經發生呢種事,以後咁點算呢﹖

Dear God,

I am so upset about what happened today. All I want is to get things done, so that I could win my boss's trust. However, it seems that it doesnt happen. Because a project cannot be delivered on time. I knew she is disappointed. I feel horrible about this. I have doubts of my ability. What do you think I should do?

I know, she is not the one I should please, but YOU! It is always YOU! However, I am too fleshy, I always You when days are good. I am selfish, I know that, I always know that. I do not love you as much as I could. I am sorry. I love things on earth more than you. It's such a great fault that I love my boss more than you. Its a deception. I thought able to finish what she'd like me to do, I can win her trust and this equals my ability. I know its so wrong to have this thought, however, it seems like inevitable to have this idea of working in office, surviving in typical HK office environment.

I am sorry, God. I know I have offended you. Because I have put the approval of boss above you. I know it sucks and it is really dump. But I can't help. I am sorry, please, I know you'd forgive. Please help me to be wiser, to become smarter. You know, I do not want to have make the same mistake again.

Here is a new environment to me, I wanted everything new, including myself. I will be a strong, experienced and calm person after two years of working here.

Please help me.

Amen.
Posted by martharita on 03.2011   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :worklife

smooth day

dear God,
感謝。今天工作平安渡過了。平平靜靜的又一天,高級經理過來時,順便給她看看結果,她又很順的收貨了。不過最後還是要執一執才給好過目,首肯以後才能給頭頭那兒。

今天突然被召叫開會,其實不太關我事的,不過頭頭認為我作為teammate也應該知道。

會面的是一間製作公司? 有外籍人士,那中國籍的看上去也很sophisticated,所以我估都是大公司了。頭頭簡述要求後,就由鬼了。高級經理亦間中發言,不過就英語時還是有點不自然,沒有頭頭般流?;所以我估並非如平時所present般勁?

不過又想,換了我是,又能否這樣,還是更不濟?

有滿足感 :)
這些經驗在舊公司是不會有的。能有機會認識不同背景和行業的人,是為見識。這是井底蛙不會明白的。
Posted by martharita on 26.2011   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :worklife

OT on Sunday

少見呢!

我自己都嚇了一跳。而且,這項工作是自己選擇的。的確,上星期我還是很想快點完成,希望星期一能準時交貨。

可是,憂慮壓跨了我。我真的擔心,也很憂慮﹕這項工作完成不了。這項工作不能依時完成。以後還有沒完沒了的工作和挑戰。

主喔!這個真是很大挑戰。以往的我一定抱怨,總是有理由不喜歡現在的工作。今次我自己也意識到了,嘿,也不能再逃避了。面對困難的事情要面對,我想這是主你給我少少,點點滴滴的挑戰吧﹖是要讓我成長,讓我變成心目中那個模樣吧﹖那個面帶微笑,但也有擔當的自己﹖主喔,我不知道這個是否就是對我最好,只有你才知道。

今個星期天,我開工了。是我主動帶工作回家的。抱怨還是會有的。眼前的路看不清,知道靠自己走不下去。

請你拖著我,讓我走完這段路程,是你給我安排的路程吧。

AMEN。
Posted by martharita on 25.2011   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :worklife

week 19/9 - 23/9/2011

胃痛。。。

一星期又過。今個禮拜好充實,但又可以話係好單調。成個星期都只有工作、回家、吃飯和睡覺。

起床時間比以前晏了,就算八時起床,就算沒有8:45返到,沒有同事講說話你聽,沒有人叫遲左五分鐘要打電話報告,也沒有人跟辯論裡最塞車,唯獨是自己不會塞車。

沒有八時返去gist,沒有前一日睇定報紙寫定稿交功課。

這幾天都坐的士,由坑口出發,好爽。不過都知不能天天如此浪費!

整個星期都是工作,on board兩三天,工作排山倒海般湧來。對方要求跟自己能力範圍很大出入。

怯。

轉角度,原來自己還真正比較熟識文字工作。原來自己挺喜歡web的工作,不過改善空間很大。

最後,原來自己還是不會social,。對於別人的需要不敏感。我要承認這是我的一部分,更重要是我不想去改變了,因為這是自己。要接受自己是這個模樣,不太想需要別人肯定,才能肯定自己。這樣子是否叫自信?

工作真的很忙,不過自己態度比上一工投入。至少主動買書惡補急起直追,不是哭哭啼啼原地踏,還要為營睇低級司面色做人。

這樣子算很好了。
Posted by martharita on 23.2011   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :worklife

new job

dear blog,

its not new for me working at another new place. i have started this new job at ust for three days already. yet, i am nervous and has a constant worry that i may not get the jobs done.

the tasks mainly deal with web design and development. i hv to admit that i seem inadequate to deal with this new things. the colleagues seem to hv some expectation on me, oh boy, i'd pertified to work under expectation and pressure, i m not that kind of person who driven by pressure, in fact, i m the opposite, those who always wanna run away from them.

i guessed i was so nervous and therefore i was sent to hospital because of sudden extreme acute abdominal pain, later i found it might due to pms. its been such a long time for last ab pain, i guess there are over 3-4years. but then, on last friday, witout any sign, it was so pain that i could hardly walk but with cramp legs. situation got beter when i was sent to hospital. oooooh, am i that nervous? i think so, my body just told me i do. i wosh i could get rid of such nervousness,or anxieties and worries and go to work happily everyday. but i couldnt. i was either worried about being late or under performed, did not meet their standard, that i failed to meet their expectation,bthat they might think i am really poor and being a phony who fool them i could do anything.

pls, dun happen, dun make it happen. i feel relaxed and have a chance to take a break during this weekend. i even imagine how wonderful or fortunate could be a housewife. i do not need to worry about collegues, since i do not need to work with anybody! i just care my own stuff and i can do everything according to my wants and needs. i feel so much better when i tjink abt this, however, its only a dream. i know i am not passionate about my job. but i m nearly my thirties, it is really time to.stop lying to myself and have to, really have to take some time to look at myself, to know myself, who am i, what i need, what i want. i am not a great achiever, i want to do sthg that make me happy, that's all.

unfortunately, sometimes i dun even jlkmow what makes me happy.

love you,
aloe
Posted by martharita on 19.2011   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :worklife
 

Profile

一個徹底的白羊人。做事憑一股衝勁,接著後勁不繼,即朋友說的3分鐘熱度。怎麼說好呢﹖


即使只有3分鐘熱度,也學習如何好好發揮,成為最漂亮的永恆。

martharita

Author:martharita
事事有時節,天下任何事皆有定時: 生有時,死有時,栽種有時,拔除栽種的亦有時; 殺戮有時,治療有時,拆毀有時,建築有時; 哭有時,笑有時,哀悼有時,舞蹈有時; 拋石有時,堆石有時;擁抱有時,戒避擁抱亦有時; 尋找有時,遺失有時;保存有時,捨棄有時; 撕裂有時,縫綴有時;緘默有時,言談有時, 愛慕有時,憎恨有時;作戰有時,和睦有時。

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