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「成功」......

「成功」的真意乃是能带来满足感和长期经营,同时又能创造另一种可能的工作和生活。
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Posted by martharita on 15.2010   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :金石良言

Be Competent!

I wasn't ALWAYS this good, I had a lot to learn...

Until one day...


It is empowering. Don't be afraid of making mistakes, don't give up.

"I had to practice, and practice, practice...until one day, my dream came true."
Posted by martharita on 24.2009   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :金石良言

Mixed Signals

You likely see yourself very differently from the way others see you. A little self-awareness can prevent a lot of misunderstanding.
By Sam Gosling, published on September 01, 2009 - last reviewed on September 02, 2009

"I'll be there at 2 p.m. sharp," Kirsten assures me as we set up our next research meeting. I make note of it in my calendar—but I put it down as 3 p.m. It's not that Kirsten is trying to fool me; she's just deluded about her time-management skills. After a long history of meetings to which she shows up an hour late, I've realized I have to make allowances for her self-blinding optimism. I don't have unique insight—any of her friends would make the same prediction. In the domain of punctuality, others know Kirsten better than she knows herself.

The difference between how you see yourself and how others see you is not just a matter of egocentrism. Like Kirsten, we all have blind spots. We change our self-conception when we see ourselves through others' eyes. Part of the discrepancy arises because the outsider's perspective affords information you yourself miss—like the fact that it looks like you're scowling when you're listening, or that you talk over other people.

How well we understand ourselves has a profound impact on our ability to navigate the social realm. In some areas, we know ourselves better than others do. But in other areas, we're so biased by our need to see ourselves in a good light that we become strangers to ourselves. By soliciting feedback from other people, we can learn more about ourselves and how we're coming off. Only by understanding how we're seen can we make sure we're sending the right signals. To be understood by others, in other words, the first step is understanding ourselves.

There Is No Perfect Point of View
How do you cut through the fog and learn to see yourself—and others—clearly? Different perspectives provide different information on the self. To bring some order to all the things that can be known about you, it helps to divide them into four categories.

First, there are "bright spots"—things known by both you and others, like the fact that you're politically conservative or talkative. Studies show that traits like extroversion, talkativeness, and dominance are easily observable both to the self and to others. If everyone thinks you're a chatterbox, you probably are.

Second are "dark spots"—things known by neither you nor others. These could include deep unconscious motives that drive your behaviors, like the fact that your relentless ambition is driven by the need to prove wrong your parents' assumption that you'd never amount to much. T hird are "personal spots"—things known only by you, like your tendency to get anxious in crowds or your contempt for your coworkers. And finally, there are "blind spots"—things known only by others, which can include such factors as your level of hostility and defensiveness, your attractiveness, and your intelligence.

The most interesting are the latter two—personal spots and blind spots—since they involve discrepancies between how we see ourselves and how others see us.

Why You're Less Transparent Than You Think
We're not entirely deluded about ourselves. We have pretty unrestricted access, for instance, to what we like and believe; if you think you're in favor of tighter regulation for car emissions or that Bon Iver is your favorite band right now, who am I to argue? Even if you don't know the mysterious unconscious motives underlying what you like and do, you're still the best source of information about your attitudes, beliefs, and preferences.

We often think others are aware of our anxiety or our darkest feelings, but research shows they're actually poor judges of our emotions, intentions, and thoughts. Thomas Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell, has found that numerous obstacles and psychological biases stand in the way of knowing how you're seen by others. We overestimate the extent to which our internal states are detectable to others—a bias known as the "illusion of transparency." We also overestimate the extent to which our behavior and appearance are noticed and evaluated by others—a bias known as the "spotlight effect."

We're good at judging our own self-esteem, optimism and pessimism, and anything to do with how we feel. So for instance, others may think you're very calm when in fact you're so anxious in large groups that your palms sweat and your heart rate soars.

Personal spots exist because others know how you behave, but they don't know your intentions or feelings, explains Simine Vazire, director of the Personality and Self-Knowledge Lab at Washington University. "If you're quiet at a party, people don't know if it's because you're arrogant and you think you're better than everyone else or because you're shy and don't know how to talk to people," she says. "But you know, because you know your thoughts and feelings. So things like anxiety, optimism and pessimism, your tendency to daydream, and your general level of happiness—what's going on inside of you, rather than things you do—those are things other people have a hard time knowing."

Why Your Intelligence and Attractiveness Elude You
There are a lot of reasons to think you'd be the best judge of you. After all, you've known you longer than anyone else (except, perhaps, your parents). You've spent more time with you than anyone else. You see yourself in all kinds of situations, from solitary reflective moments in your home to dazzling parties surrounded by friends and strangers.

But you're also very biased; you have a vested interest in seeing yourself as decent and competent, and not evil or inept. When it comes to traits that matter to our self-esteem, we tend to have positive delusions—meaning on these dimensions, others see us more accurately than we see ourselves. "Other men's sins are before our eyes," said the Roman philosopher Seneca. "Our own are behind our backs." You rarely get to participate in gossip sessions about yourself, and you have only limited access to how people react to you and what they say.


Posted by martharita on 26.2009   1 comments   0 trackback
Category :金石良言

毒海重生 正生再出大學生

學壞容易,學好好難。

一池清水好容易可以令佢混濁,但要一晚先能令混濁嘅水變回清池。

今天看到蘋果這篇新聞,的確令我感到人間還有希望!

【本報訊】大學聯招昨日放榜,脫離毒海、今年高考取得良好成績的正生書院前學生黃榮新,獲派第二志願嶺南大學會計學課程,是正生歷來第二名上大學的戒毒學生。不過他有兩次藏毒案底,或令他日後無法成為註冊會計師,他說會坦然面對,「做好自己(就)會有機會。」


有案底或難當會計師
黃榮新正在佐敦一間會計師樓做暑期工,學習入數和核數。當他得悉獲派嶺大會計學時,十分開心,「終於有大學收我讀書。」他之後致電通知母親和阿姨,「佢(母親)好開心,感恩感謝神。」黃榮新的首個志願是入浸會大學會計學系,但也滿意這個結果,他說:「去邊度讀書分別唔大,院校名氣唔係最重要。」

兩年前他會考取得 14分,由正生轉到滙基書院讀預科。上月底高考放榜,他取得 1B2D1E,經傳媒報道後,有一對基督徒夫婦將一張寫了數千元銀碼的支票送到學校給他。他表示,日後入讀嶺南大學後,他會做兼職幫補學費及日常生活開支。

黃榮新今年 25歲,八、九年前開始吸毒,長達三年, 04年因藏毒被判入正生戒毒。他有兩項藏毒案底,可能無法當註冊會計師,「朋友講攞牌方面會有啲難度。」但他仍會盡力讀書,「有啲會計知識好多方面都用得着,唔一定要攞牌做會計師。」

做好自己就會有機會
能夠升上大學,對他來說意義重大,「做好自己(就)會有機會……慢慢見到自己一步步離開以前嘅自己。」

正生六年前出了首名升讀大學的學生。校長陳兆焯說,黃榮新的經歷給政府的啟示是,讀書與戒毒是相輔相承,「最重要係唔吸毒後,我哋點樣可以生活。」


Posted by martharita on 30.2009   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :金石良言

Words of Wisdom

近日有很多工作,似乎做極都做不完似的。

plan a等著某人簽名-->外遊未返;plan b需要上頭的上頭核實,待覆;plan c原本進行得如火如荼,突然因plan d進行時間不吻合而有更改。轉頭改為進行plan d籌備工作,原來也得等甲乙丙丁提供「意見」,進行plan d時,突然plan c要啟動了,為配合其他部門的工作時間...,但其實,一直仍有plan e 及plan f繼續進行......

我真不懂怎樣處理。有些人倒輕輕鬆鬆,開會時總能羅列出萬條工作細目,而我就學不懂這套移形換影的轉妝術。

Feeling adequate...




拍拍灰塵,再上路!



Posted by martharita on 21.2009   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :金石良言

For People of Difference

For People of Difference...

Posted by martharita on 27.2009   6 comments   0 trackback
Category :金石良言

The Lucifer Effect

村哥﹕你的摰愛,The lecture of Philip Zimbardo on The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil


原來佢真人咁有型!頭4:33分鐘係intro。片長﹕1hr50mins

Posted by martharita on 10.2009   0 comments   0 trackback
Category :金石良言

談情說愛

歌:男人愛慕一個女子是愛她現在的樣子,女人愛慕一個男子是著眼於他未來的前途。

莎士比亞:真誠的愛情永遠不是一條平坦大道。愛情就像是一朵生長在懸崖邊緣的花,想要採擷它,就要有勇氣。

蕭伯納:男人和女人在愛的名義下使彼此都痛苦萬分。

拜倫:戀愛是艱苦的,不能期待它像美夢一樣出來。

尼采:開始時他們忘記去愛別人,最後他們在自己身上再也找不到值得去愛的地方了。人類的生命不能以時間的長短來衡量,心中充滿愛時,剎那即永恆。

19世紀的匈牙利愛國詩人裴多菲:「生命誠可貴,愛情價更高,若為自由故,兩者皆可拋。」

爱的出发点不一定是身体,但爱到了身体就到了顶点。
——徐志摩 (哇!這是甚麼喇! 給你一記耳光!這真是徐志摩說的麼﹖是我保守還是我想多了﹖)

不管情感是哭是笑,是爱是憎,您想去问个明白,那实在是徒劳无益的。
—— 泰戈尔

被人爱和爱别人是同样的幸福,而且一旦得到它,就够受用一辈子。
—— 列·托尔斯泰

幻想是梦的粮食,在爱情中拿走了幻想,就是取掉了爱情的粮食。爱情离开了幻想,好像人没有粮食一样。爱情需要热情的培养,不管是生理上的爱情也好,精神上的爱情也好。
—— 雨果

爱情不是时间、离别和失望所能熄灭的。
—— 大仲马

爱情进入人的心里,是打骂不走的。它既然到了您的身上,就会占有您的一切。
—— 莎士比亚

没有什么做不到的事,对于真正的爱情来说。
—— 大仲马

一个教育家的全部箴言也不上你所爱恋的一个女人的情意缠绵的话语。
—— 卢梭
Posted by martharita on 10.2008   0 comments
Category :金石良言

最甜的蜜糖可使味覺麻木;
不太熱烈的愛情才會維持久遠;
太快和太慢,結果都不會圓滿。
- 沙士比亞



你或許無法隨心所欲地逃避關係中
的困難,卻可自由地塑造自己面對
困難的態度。



夫婦者,非有骨肉之親、
愛則親,不愛則疏。
- 韓非子
Posted by martharita on 16.2008   0 comments
Category :金石良言

車房仔大學生

作者﹕何李麗珍

還記得十多年前,某大年初一清晨,接到由加拿大兩位學生打來的拜年電話,心裡實是高興,又有兩位學生可出國留學了。

上月一次聚餐,再重遇亞彬,由他親口道出一個令我敬佩的故事。

我教亞彬之時,他是個純品受教的好學生,是位班長;怎料升中之後,與老師合不來,變成搗蛋頑皮,中三便輟學了。遊蕩了一段時期,知道要自找生活,便到車房去當學徒。一次,聽到親戚的嘲弄:「賺到錢又怎樣,一日要躺車底,無出色!」他就決意半工讀,晚上到車房附近的一所夜中學上課。沒想到那所是間「六級」中學(比當時的五級還差),學生回校都是聊搗事,幾經投訴,依然於事無補,他便撇下一年學費,要求校方替他報考會考,自己就在工餘勤讀,

結果考得合格成績。

那年暑假,有位同學要往加拿大繼續升學,在送機之時,多口之餘,請他在那邊探路。就此,半年後,亞彬亦踏上海外留學之途。他坦然說,當時並無心往加國讀書,只不過是想搭路往那邊找工作罷了!怎料一讀就修了兩個學位,而在車房所學又在那邊大派用場,足夠支付他的一切生活所需。畢業後,他在政府機構工作,甚是愜意,但在九一一後,他決意回港與家人共聚。

回港後,正值這不景氣之時,大半年也找不到工作,他只好接納一份三千元的工作。

回內地管工程的差事。又是那車房所學,助他跟那些泥頭車司機,地盤主管等來得稔熟,事事順利,因此得大老闆垂青,把他掉回香港總公司去負責環保工程。

亞彬說:「經歷了這麼多,覺得人實在非常渺小,無什麼可誇耀的,只有不斷學習。」

亞彬,老師也要跟你學習啊!
塞翁失馬,焉知非福。

有時我會因失去一件東西、一個人、一段感情、一份肯定、一份工作或一點面子而耿耿於懷。之後只掂記著那失去的東西對我曾經有多重要,對我有多好,與我有多配合,除此之外,我以後真的沒有辦法再找另一個比他/它更好,更合我意的xx了。

我相信以上的都是真人真事。那句「人實在非常渺小,無什麼可誇耀的,只有不斷學習」,真的是經歷過,然後看通放下了的人才能明白的道理。

原本是最壞的,竟然造就將來成功的關鍵。阿彬在車房自怨自哎,怨命運對自己有多不好,放棄自己,其實是多容易的事情。我不是要說那些抱著積極、正面態度邁向人生的說話,而是,有時候,我想感覺、與實際情況是可以分開來看的。假如感覺令我們自暴自棄,可不可以試試暫時放下這些感覺,先做一些應做的事情呢﹖

我想,亞彬做車房時應該想不到自己竟然能夠走出這條路。不過能夠放下,然後二話不說,踏實地做應做的事,......的確不易。我想,即使事情有時真不如人意,起碼自己問心無愧,不用老來後悔當初自己為甚麼這樣這棣,那樣那樣...
Posted by martharita on 14.2008   0 comments
Category :金石良言
 

Profile

一個徹底的白羊人。做事憑一股衝勁,接著後勁不繼,即朋友說的3分鐘熱度。怎麼說好呢﹖


即使只有3分鐘熱度,也學習如何好好發揮,成為最漂亮的永恆。

martharita

Author:martharita
事事有時節,天下任何事皆有定時: 生有時,死有時,栽種有時,拔除栽種的亦有時; 殺戮有時,治療有時,拆毀有時,建築有時; 哭有時,笑有時,哀悼有時,舞蹈有時; 拋石有時,堆石有時;擁抱有時,戒避擁抱亦有時; 尋找有時,遺失有時;保存有時,捨棄有時; 撕裂有時,縫綴有時;緘默有時,言談有時, 愛慕有時,憎恨有時;作戰有時,和睦有時。

事事有天主安排。

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